friday, january 31
in 1995 i spent a long weekend in Austin, Texas and i felt very much at home. the people were very intelligent but also nice. the water, hills and trees created a lush atmosphere. there were many yoga and new age stores along with delicious restaurants. since visiting all those years ago i found out willie nelson lives near-by and there is a certain bar he frequents and sometimes he will play just like that! his 4th of july barbeque is another highlight. and there's Austin City Limits as well. i've heard the town has grown in the past 7 years and there are traffic flow tissues. however, i still hold Austin in my heart as a bandaid. i should go back this year and reconnect with my fantasy of living a simple yet exciting life. the two qualities don't necessarily cancell each other out.
1:31 PM
thursday, january 30
According to vedic astrologer George Roman: "In doing hundreds of charts for people either currently in a relationship or looking for one, I have noticed one common element, timing. Timing is very important. I have seen some of the most incompatible people get together because the timing was right, astrologically speaking. Both people's Vedic charts indicated that at this point in their life a relationship was due. Then on the other hand I have seen some of the most compatible people never get together. Maybe timing was right for one and not for the other or timing was not right for both of them. These types of relationships are like two ships passing in the night. Sometimes they turn into lasting friendships, other times the attraction is too strong to stay just friends so they part ways. A person may find someone else but still yearns for the original person they were attracted to. Later on, if the timing changes and becomes more favorable for both of them then a relationship can develop. At this point all the conventional rules of love go out the window. There are times when our karma and destiny bring these types of relationships in for us to learn some very important lessons. If the timing is right to enter into a relationship but you have two incompatible people come together, it will be a relationship filled with conflict and disappointment. When the timing eventually changes and goes against one or both partners then the problems will become intolerable and lead to breakup. If the timing is right and you have two compatible people you have harmony. When timing changes and goes against the relationship there will be enough of a bond to keep the relationship together until the timing improves again."
2:08 PM
wednesday, january 29
the next Worldwide Pinhole Photography Day is on April 27, 2003. i remember charleen showing me her beautiful results years ago. the concept of making my own camera from a quaker oatmeal box is very attractive. however i would still need to buy special paper and chemicals and use the bathroom floor as a darkroom. comfort vs. creativity ----- and thank you for Zen pallette Jon. actually last night after dinner i took the bus home. my card did not have a Transfer as i thought and it was also out of rides. the driver called after me. of course i did not have $1.50 in coins and they don't take dollar bills. i asked a man if he had change for a dollar. he said no without checking. then i asked a solemn looking lady and she didn't find enough in her purse but gave me her card. in the meantime i realized i only had a ten dollar bill. i told her but she said to use her card anyhow. i offered her the change i did have. she said "nah, that's ok. i'm sure you'll help someone else out one day." ----- it's the nicest thing to happen to me in a long time. i vowed to be nicer in general. the lady was so kind although from the outside she seemed grouchy, troubled, and exhausted. i hope life will be good to her and i wonder if she knows how much she did help me. a small act Can change a world. i don't want to forget this.
1:29 PM
tuesday, january 28
beyond the details and because of them, life is a miracle
12:19 AM
monday, january 27
Pongal is now my most favorite restaurant. ----- the quilt show at the Whitney is beautiful. 60 works of art 5 of which i did not like. the stitches, even if they speak of poverty and death are Alive in a way most current artwork isn't. i was tired at the end of navigating the terribly designed Whitney and googly eyed with wonderful color and composition studies.
1:12 PM
thursday, january 23
last night i ate at one of my favorite restaurants, Paprika (on st.Marks). they had just changed their menu by adding quite a few new dishes and also raising the price of their Prix Fixe dinner from $9.95 to $12.95. it's strange to think they can price their entrees however they see fit. a million dollars per wine glass. why not? we're in a recession. and yet not everyone is suffering. ----- i used to think i needed to find a yoga practice group, a community to belong to. now that i've had an outsider's glimpse for 5 years, i don't like any organized faith, mostly because greed and ego seep in. it would be nice to have Faith in office supplies let's say. inanimate, cheap, easily accessible... God is everywhere. ----- last night rented Italian for Beginners, a Dogme 95 wonderful movie. the description on the box does Not do it justice. i would not classify it as a fun romantic comedy. it's a sad, amazingly well acted and written make-believe story. funny moments, yes. but not a comedy.
2:28 PM
wednesday, january 22
i didn't LOVE the movies, i can't imagine i could stay thru the books and the following must be pure randomness: According to the Red Book of Westmarch, In Middle-earth, Melania Semerad-Radulescu was a LonelyðWizard. i'm wearing the ring i found on a subway platform years and years ago. my God, i was hanging out with BoatBoy at the time. what a freak. anyhow, i think the ring has a ruby and two diamonds. i haven't had it appraised but it shines as if it was genuine. i still feel strange wearing it, since i know nothing of the original owner. at least there was No One looking around when i found it. the guilt for taking it still remains. ----- and as annoyed as i am with people who keep harping on the cold, it really is freezing.
2:05 PM
tuesday, january 21
holly guacamole! i forget how much more seldom i update this journal. time has shrunk. i don't remember what i did last wednesday, much less when i "journaled". so what has been happening? well, i had a lovely dinner with roberta and mark and steven on sunday night. Thali has to be one of my favorite restaurants. to think brett took me there years and years ago... so much has happened and unhappened since. ----- i finished e.e.cummings bio: Dreams in the Mirror. i wasn't sorry when he died because he had been such a passive, moody man but i still almost worship his poems. i have about 20 pages to go in Les Miserables. it's been 3-4 miserable years that i've plowed thru the book off and on. and now i'm debating making cards with torn out pages yet it pains me to hurt a book. it is a worth-while read but i have to say the very end is disappointing. i don't think Hugo liked women very much. ----- the sadness of last week has worn itself out. i am somehow on level ground. ----- the cold in nyc continues to be intense but manageable with two hats, a long scarf and underpants.
4:25 PM
wednesday, january 15
yes, so nyc does encourage me not to see friends. it seems i go for months at a time. then it takes weeks to plan and find a day to have dinner / brunch / hang out. does this happen with most adults? is it a big city affectation? ----- my hair is finally long again. last time i was in ireland with mom and dad, our last vacation together. ----- do all my thoughts collect somewhere and do they make a difference? what matters? is it the Now? and couldn't that be too selfish? too much free time has never been a good thing. of course if i lived in a beach front villa with daily pampering and fresh delicious food, i may make an exception and try to enjoy myself. i find i am not sure what i do consider as "fun". silent moments are nice. reading a good book, seeing a good movie / exhibit / show. shopping has ceased to be a big part of my budgeted life. plus how many clothes does a person really need? talking with people can inspire. i suppose it comes down to travel. my number one joy is travel - vacations make me feel i have not wasted as much time. ----- i have 25 main clients in my online portfolio. they represent 60% of work i completed in the past 8 years. ----- what is important?
12:49 PM
tuesday, january 14
"While the Eastern Mediterranean languages reflect variations on a simple numbering of the days of the week, the languages of Western Europe all (except Portuguese) reflect names based on the names of the naked eye planets, which included the Sun and the Moon, either in a Latin version or a corresponding Germanic version. The 1st day in Latin is named after the Sun (Solis dies), but Christians also consider that the Lord's day (Dominicus dies), as in Greek. The 2nd day is named after the Moon (Lunae dies). The 3rd day is named after Mars (Martis dies). The 4th day is named after Mercury (Mercurii dies). The 5th day is named after Jupiter, or Jove (Jovis dies). The 6th day is named after Venus (Veneris dies). And the 7th day is named after Saturn (Saturni dies), though it can still be called the Sabbath (Sabbatum or Sabbati dies)... The curious thing about the Latin names, clearly using the planets, is that the ancient order of the planets, rising from the Earth to the Fixed Stars, can be read off by starting with Monday and jumping every other day for two weeks: ðMonday (Moon), Wednesday (Mercury), Friday (Venus), Sunday (Sun), Tuesday (Mars), Thursday (Jupiter), and Saturday (Saturn). One is left with the impression that the names were assigned in a kind of code, so that the Sun would come first in the week, but then the true order of the planets could be read off nevertheless. Saturn comes both at the end of the week and at the end of planets. The day that many people consider to the the 1st day of the week, Monday, is the first planet and does begin the sequence of planets. " view more details
4:24 PM
monday, january 13
by e.e.cummings (ca.1920)
--------------------------------------
into the strenuous briefness
Life:
handorgans and April
darkness,friends
i charge laughing.
Into the hair-thin tints
of yellow dawn,
into the women-coloured twilight
i smilingly
glide. I
into the big vermillion departure
swim,sayingly;
(Do you think?)the
i do,world
is probably made
of roses & hello:
(of solongs and,ashes)
12:17 AM
saturday, january 11
"The girl whose boy-friend starts writing her love poems should be on her guard. Perhaps he really does love her, but one thing is certain: while he was writing his poems he was not thinking of her but of his own feeling about her and that is suspicious." -- W. H. Auden -- my mom always says how some actors who are stupid are very good because they believe the roles they play. this is in regards to james brolin who she just say in an old sci-fi movie.
1:03 PM
friday, january 10
happy birthday roberta!
3:22 PM
thursday, january 9
the Bernard Pivot Questionnaire (as seen Inside the Actor's Studio)
what is your favorite word / least favorite? ----- continue / sorry
what turns you on / off? ----- balance / anger
what sound do you love / hate? ----- silence / nyc
what is your favorite curse word? ----- sh*t . fu@k . hel%
what profession other than yours would you like to attempt? ----- early retirement in style
what profession would you not like to participate in? ----- politics
if heaven exists, what would you like to hear god say when you arrive at the pearly gates? ----- congratulations
4:54 PM
wow hopelet! i won't say it yet until it's for sure, but wow! it's awesome when girlfriends have kids. it's strange as well to realize we're the same age. i feel like a child who hasn't completed it's homework. i do love shopping for little kids. tiny clothes are so cute! if i were to do a review, most of my friends are married or in serious relationships. strange to think i'm 31. i don't feel 31. i don't know if i've ever felt my age. it always was either too young or old. it's just another demographic - or rather, way to organize polls. "age"
12:40 PM
wednesday, january 8
i just deleted what i meant to post because i realized it's just too darn negative and unpleasant. sure, my jaws are sore from clenching and i'm trying to exhale anger, but i don't need to make it public. i also don't have to pretend to be a sunny cheerleader. so what can i write? been watercoloring again at night. it's surprising to see how each one is different. i look back at "finished" pages and i don't quite remember making them. i mean... they're not all pure Genius. but some are quite nice. of course i feel like anyone could make a nice watercolor. it's not rocket science. although maybe somewhere on the brain there are little creative explosions. and they may be more intricate than blowing up a space ship. mental note: check out the quilt show at the Whitney.
12:37 PM
sunday, january 5
day 4 of right ear infection. no cheerful mood. must find my own apartment. my own door to close or open. reading biography of e.e.cummings. once again, the artist as part of a community of artists. he did not live in a box. when he was 10 years old he and his sister took a boat out on a lake. it sank. his dog started swimming to shore but then got confused and swam back to the kids. he panicked and climbed on estlin's sister. she sank, resurfaced. estlin grabbed his dog who proceeded to fight estlin and so the boy drowned his own dog. this to me is cruel and horrible. already his poetry is changing for me. ignorance is bliss. i've loved his poems for 15 years and though i wrote a long report on him in middle school, i never knew he was a short, scrawny, insecure man whom i probably would have despised had we met. sure, he spoke 5 languages and was a brilliant conversationalist. but so far it sounds like he had many tissues which the creative priviledged take on. ----- haven't spent quality time with stevenm in a while. (i am aware...) ----- this new year has been tough for me. i've had 5 years of 75% non-stop toughness. i'm not quite ready for this blank canvas called 2003.
5:02 PM
friday, january 3
i've been having mild anxiety about my first entry of 2003, as if it would color the rest of the year. but time and our calendar are relative. i will follow the Chinese New Year in February. i'll have to double check but i think the new year in the U.S. falls on Feb. 1st. they're up to 4,700 and we are entering the Year of the Black Sheep (goat). here are some "Taboos and Superstitions of the Chinese New Year:
House Cleaning: The entire house should be cleaned before New Year's Day. On New Year's Eve, all brooms, brushes, dusters, dust pans and other cleaning equipment are put away. Sweeping or dusting should not be done on New Year's Day for fear that good fortune will be swept away. After New Year's Day, the floors may be swept. Beginning at the door, the dust and rubbish are swept to the middle of the parlor, then placed in the corners and not taken or thrown out until the fifth day. At no time should the rubbish in the corners be trampled upon. In sweeping, there is a superstition that if you sweep the dirt out over the threshold, you will sweep one of the family away. Also, to sweep the dust and dirt out of your house by the front entrance is to sweep away the good fortune of the family; it must always be swept inwards and then carried out, then no harm will follow. All dirt and rubbish must be taken out the back door. Shooting off firecrackers on New Year's Eve is the Chinese way of sending out the old year and welcoming in the New Year. On the stroke of midnight on New Year's Eve, every door in the house, and even windows, have to be open to allow the old year to go out.
New Year Activities Set Precendent: All debts had to paid by this time. Nothing should be lent on this day, as anyone who does so will be lending all the year. Back when tinder and flint were used, no one would lend them on this day or give a light to others. Everyone should refrain from using foul language and bad or unlucky words. Negative terms and the word "four" (Ssu), which sounds like the word for death, are not to be uttered. Death and dying are never mentioned and ghost stories are totally taboo. References to the past year are also avoided as everything should be turned toward the New Year and a new beginning. If you cry on New Year's day, you will cry all through the year. Therefore, children are tolerated and are not spanked, even though they are mischievous.
Personal Appearance and Cleanliness: On New Year's Day, we are not suppose to wash our hair because it would mean we would have washed away good luck for the New Year. Red clothing is preferred during this festive occasion. Red is considered a bright, happy color, sure to bring the wearer a sunny and bright future. It is believed that appearance and attitude during New Year's sets the tone for the rest of the year. Children and unmarried friends, as well as close relatives are given lai see, little red envelopes with crisp one dollar bills inserted, for good fortune. For those most superstitious, before leaving the house to call on others, the Almanac should be consulted to find the best time to leave the home and the direction which is most auspicious to head out. The first person one meets and the first words heard are significant as to what the fortunes would be for the entire year. It is a lucky sign to see or hear songbirds or red-colored birds or swallows. It is considered unlucky to greet anyone in their bedroom so that is why everyone, even the sick, should get dressed and sit in the living room. Do not use knives or scissors on New Year's Day as this may cut off fortune. While many Chinese people today may not believe in these do's and don'ts, these traditions and customs are still practiced. These traditions and customs are kept because most families realize that it is these very traditions, whether believed or not, that provide continuity with the past and provide the family with an identity."
11:50 AM
