Saturday, September 29
thanks to a trip with wendy to the coney island aquarium, sea horses are my new favorite animal. they make eye contact! they're mythological and seem so gentle! and they have a propeller on their backs that helps them move. plus how cool is this?

"Seahorses reproduce in an unusual way: the male becomes pregnant. "The female inserts her ovipositor into the maleís brood pouch, where she deposits her eggs, which the male fertilizes. The fertilized eggs then embed in the pouch wall and become enveloped with tissues."[4] New research indicates the male releases sperm into the surrounding sea water during fertilization, and not directly into the pouch as was previously thought.[5] Most seahorse species' pregnancies lasts approximately two to three weeks. Hatched offspring are independent of their parents. Some spend time developing among the ocean plankton. At times, the male seahorse may try to consume some of the previously released offspring. Other species (H. zosterae) immediately begin life as sea-floor inhabitants (benthos). Seahorses are generally monogamous, though several species (H. abdominalis among them) are highly gregarious. In monogamous pairs, the male and female will greet one another with courtship displays in the morning and sometimes in the evening to reinforce their pair bond. They spend the rest of the day separate from each other hunting for food."
8:03 PM

Friday, September 28
34 more days. what is that compared to almost 36 years?
3:10 PM

Monday, September 24
i have been listening to this song in OCD mode. its gentleness reminds me of him. it's timeless and weightless.

Part One (Savannah) - by Band of Horses

The bottom the earth i have to fall
but you really caught me
you really caught me, dear
at the bottom where i'd fallen.

and slowly dear ask that you dance with me
here with the shades down
lights off

when i didn't know you
and everything i do
done badly

now i'll love you always
even when i say
you distract me.

and sit out tonight in some strange place
if we have no friends here
well i had a few to begin with

to wake next to you in the morning
and good morning to you.
how do you do?
hey, good morning to you!
more covers for you.
sleep soundly dear cause i have to go.

and i'll love you always.
when we leave this place
and drive back to carolina
and down to savannah and say
6:52 PM

Thursday, September 13
Hi Dad,

I donít really believe you can hear me, but in case there is something after death, I want you to know I have not forgotten you. It just hurts too much to think about you so I donít do it very often. Sometimes a memory will slip thru, I will remember advice you gave me and of course I constantly miss the affection you unconditionally offered me. Actually, I have talked about you much more these past couple of months. I need to have the new people in my life know about you and all the things we shared. You told me that death was hardest on those left behind and I hope this is true. Itís been 8 years now. And while the feeling of loss will never go away, I finally feel that I am waking up to my Self. Losing you still hurts but I am no longer hiding behind the grief. I am doing OK, more than OK. I wish you knew and could see me ñ and him! (: I still imagine you kicking ass among the stars, roaming better grander dimensions, flying with the angels. I never asked you to take care of me from beyond the grave. After a life full of responsibilities, this is your time! But if you could though get in touch with mom, that would be great.

I love you, M _ _ _
5:19 PM

Wednesday, September 12
"FIRE, NO FEAR" - said by tipsy woman talking w/ us at last night's dinner. it was crazy to hear - it fits so perfectly into what's going on. amazing.
11:23 AM

Tuesday, September 4
Jeden Tag, jede Sekunde triffst Du eine Entscheidung, die Dein Leben ver”ndern kann. Es sind die kurzen Augenblicke, die ¸ber Leben oder Tod entscheiden k–nnen... (Every second of every day you're faced with a decision that can change your life. The difference between life or death can be decided in a split second.) - Run Lola Run
10:22 AM