Thursday, April 28
this journal i don't update very often anymore, this public place i choose to maintain, it has become a big question mark. can i doodle with words? should i try to compose entries and remember what it was like to "write"? looking back i read and i don't sound like myself. a theme. i need a theme to start with.

memory #042805
ana has my earlobe between two icecubes. i'm 15 at boarding school. once i start losing feeling she takes a clean white eraser, places it behind my ear, picks up the disinfected safety pin and goes thru. i don't remember what the earring looked like and by now the hole has almost disappeared.

log of scars
1) standing and then falling off a chair, landing on the heater = 1/2 inch scar on right side of the back of my head. i have no recollection, having been a toddler at the time.

2) removal of appendix = small scar on right side of stomach. surgery was mandatory in romania, i was around 5-6 yrs. old.

3) accidentally pushed by boy while assembling in the front yard of my elementary school = tiny scar on upper right lip. my teacher gave me her handkerchief as i was bleeding in the girl's bathroom sink.

4) walking hyperactive dog of family friend while talking to her teenage son = thin scar on left knee. i must have been 10-11 yrs. old. the scab on my knee reminded me of being young. i didn't mind this injury.

5) cutting a presentation board at herman miller w/ an xacto knife = thin fishhook scar on left index finger. ys drove me to the emergency room across the street. getting the gurney on the finger was the worst part. the stitches looked like a fuzzy caterpillar. thankfully, cg helped clean the wound that weekend. i must have flown back to pittsburgh.
11:28 PM

there is so much. so very very much. seeing bob dylan tomorrow night. he is an amazing performer. i never caught his young rambling shows. last year for the first time i heard him play in a baseball field close to Yale. he was incredible. his voice is rough and rich, he sounds like the beginning and end of the world. there is joy and pain wrapped in a simple black suit with a funky hat.
4:35 PM

Monday, April 25
i've started reading "Prey." the story is good and accessible. the writing, so-so. i expected better form from Crichton. i can see he writes with movies in mind, every chapter a scene. speaking of, i look forward to The Hitchhiker's Guide. i must have been a teen when i read it. i know i bought all his other books. now i remember only thinking they were amazing, most details are gone. i should write a collage of remembered book scenes. at least half would be from early childhood.
12:30 PM

Tuesday, April 12
fascinating article. thanks for the link b.!

http://www.newyorkmetro.com/nymetro/health/features/11700/index.html
5:09 PM

Friday, April 8
rest in peace, colin

this is a tragedy. the Before/After moment is horrible. loss at this magnitude is surreal.

there is no meaning.

http://www.boyarskifamily.net/index.php

. . .
2:26 PM