Friday, March 31
lobsters were very very good. there is a sweetness to the meat that can't be replicated. it's as delicate as sorbet. the company was wonderful even if my mind didn't let me fully enjoy. it's just hard for me to turn off and over and if i have a bee in my bonnet, i need to deal with it as soon as possible.
1:16 AM

Tuesday, March 28
mercury retrograde is almost over. if i can make it past april 14th without any major drama, i will breathe a sigh of relief. i try to ignore the stars but there has been too much accuracy in the past. i wonder if my instincts have somehow been dulled by tarot cards, charts, fortune tellers. my dad only followed his own intuition. he also had a few extraordinary dreams. ----- i need to volunteer somewhere. i need to recondition myself. and how i wish i hadn't forgotten to add lemon juice in the cookie dough.
10:39 PM

Sunday, March 26
happy birthday, tati (dad)
4:50 PM

Friday, March 24
moths, moths, moths everywhere. help me Garden Spray (made from plants for plants) and soon to be purchased moth balls. this invasion must be held in check. one human against countless eggs and hatchlings and growing winged creatures. ----- to add to the merriment, there's nothing like having 4 drunk teenage boys sitting on a discarded couch outside your (thank god) 2nd floor bedroom window, drinking beer, screaming, laughing, talking in a (thank god again) language i don't understand, peeing in the neighbor's garden, from 2.30am - 3.30am.
9:54 AM

Wednesday, March 22
-------------------------------------
SHOPGIRL - Steve Martin
-------------------------------------
The Conversation

The conversation consists of one involved party telling another party the limits of their interest. It is meant to be a warning to the second party that they may come only so close.

Again, Mr. Ray Porter takes Mirabelle to La Ronde. They sit at the same booth and have the same wine, and everything is done to replicate their first dinner, because Ray wants to pick up exactly where they left off, with not even a design change in a fork handle to break the continuum. Mirabelle is not sparkling tonight, because she works only in gears, and tonight she is in the wrong gear. Third gear is her scholarly, perspicacious, witty self; second gear is her happy, giddy, childish self; and first gear is her complaining, helpless, unmotivated self. Tonight she is somewhere midshift, between helpless and childish, but Ray doesn't care. Ray doesn't care because tonight is the night as far as he is concerned, the night where everything is going to come off her. And Ray feels compelled to have the Conversation. It is appropriate tonight because of Ray's fairness doctrine: before the clothes come off, speeches must be made.

"I think I should tell you a few things. I don't think I'm ready for a real relationship right now." He says this not to Mirabelle but to the air, as though he is just discovering a truth about himself and accidentally speaking it aloud.

Mirabelle answers, "You had a rough time with your divorce."

Understanding. For Ray Porter, that is good. She absolutely knows that this will never be long term. He goes on: "But I love seeing you and I want to keep seeing you."

"I do too," says Mirabelle. Mirabelle believes he has told her that he is bordering on falling in love with her, and Ray believes she understands that he isn't going to be anybody's boyfriend.

"I'm travelling too much right now," he says. In this sentence, he serves notice that he would like to come into town, sleep with her, and leave. Mirabelle believes that he is expressing frustration at having to leave town and that he is trying to cut down on traveling.

"So what I'm saying is that we should be allowed to keep our options open, if that's okay with you."

At this point, Ray believes he has told her that in spite of what could be about to happen tonight, they are still going to see other people. Mirabelle believes that after he cuts down on his traveling, they will see if they should get married or just go steady.

So now they have had the Conversation. What neither of them understands is that these conversations are meaningless. They are meaningless to the sayer and they are meaningless to the hearer. The sayer believes they are heard, and the hearer believes they are never said. Men, women, dogs, and cats, these words are never heard.

They chat through dinner, and then Ray asks her if she would like to come to his house, and she says yes.
10:43 PM

Tuesday, March 21
i had a tremendous surge in traffic these past couple of days. i'm not sure how many visitors find this journal but regardless of the number, I am starting to wonder what this space should be about, besides my Ego. links of note are always good to share. i'll start w/ the transcript of a lecture my design mentor gave in 2001. it still applies. dan boyarski: designing with time
12:30 PM

Monday, March 20
spring cleaning will include: buying a bike, joining a gym, taking a class - any class, going to the dentist, buying shoes, organizing Everything in the apt. -- the weekend was good. i developed the first bad cold of the season, which i'm coughing out of my system. there was a lot of sleep and lounging about, yummy food and a delicious desert J whipped up. i also noticed that Tylenol Cold medication turns me into a bimbo. oh, and we test drove the Rav4 v6 Sport. i think someone's in love.
12:24 PM

Tuesday, March 14
skiing this past weekend was great. i improved greatly from last month, maybe due to the fact i had to deal with slush instead of ice. internally i also felt more at ease. spring arrives in less than a week and so another year begins. on sunday i dreamt of bees. last night i dreamt of birds.
6:23 PM

Friday, March 3
after a lecture at The New School, found out My Back Pages is Steven Heller's favorite Dylan song. it was a pure pleasure listening to him speak. he reminds me of dan boyarski a lot. i miss the inspiration, having a mentor, being in a school environment but at the same time am thankful to have found my place in "the real world". --- also heard the men behind FWIS speak. i love their book cover blog.

MY BACK PAGES - Bob Dylan

Crimson flames tied through my ears
Rollin' high and mighty traps
Pounced with fire on flaming roads
Using ideas as my maps
"We'll meet on edges, soon," said I
Proud 'neath heated brow.
Ah, but I was so much older then,
I'm younger than that now.

Half-wracked prejudice leaped forth
"Rip down all hate," I screamed
Lies that life is black and white
Spoke from my skull. I dreamed
Romantic facts of musketeers
Foundationed deep, somehow.
Ah, but I was so much older then,
I'm younger than that now.

Girls' faces formed the forward path
From phony jealousy
To memorizing politics
Of ancient history
Flung down by corpse evangelists
Unthought of, though, somehow.
Ah, but I was so much older then,
I'm younger than that now.

A self-ordained professor's tongue
Too serious to fool
Spouted out that liberty
Is just equality in school
"Equality," I spoke the word
As if a wedding vow.
Ah, but I was so much older then,
I'm younger than that now.

In a soldier's stance, I aimed my hand
At the mongrel dogs who teach
Fearing not that I'd become my enemy
In the instant that I preach
My pathway led by confusion boats
Mutiny from stern to bow.
Ah, but I was so much older then,
I'm younger than that now.

Yes, my guard stood hard when abstract threats
Too noble to neglect
Deceived me into thinking
I had something to protect
Good and bad, I define these terms
Quite clear, no doubt, somehow.
Ah, but I was so much older then,
I'm younger than that now.

Copyright © 1964
1:51 PM

Thursday, March 2
for later viewing: brokeback
4:59 PM