tuesday, june 25
gone to germany until july 8th. be safe.
3:37 PM

i had my first news related nightmare. stevenm and i were at the airport. there was a commotion. i went into another room, away from steven and i saw gas steam from the air vent. i smelled the gas. people around me fell and i felt dizzy. i expected to drop myself but instead i managed to go into the other room. steven had cotton balls in his nose. we started to run. we were outside. about 5 -7 men were shooting at us, at others. they were terrorists. i took some of the little bombs they had dropped and we began to shoot at them which made them leave us alone. our task now was to hide. we entered a Matrix like building and ended up in a "safe" room. i woke up with major anxiety. i still have it. going to germany tonight. i feel like there is a big feathery bird in my chest slowly beating it's wings preventing me from getting a full breath. when i get back in 2 weeks i Have to change my life. it's time to make happiness.
12:48 PM

sunday, june 23
if you could see yourself 5 years from now, would you want to?
5:36 PM

friday, june 21
*
12:00 PM

wednesday, june 19
yesterday stevenm had a most beautiful bouquet of flowers delivered. they are amazing. i've taken one roll of film. worried the photos won't come out. if i had supplies and more time i'd draw them. i may tomorrow. i've associated the bouquet with my granddad. they are a celebration of his life. he deserves such a beautiful assortment. i'm glad he has the flowers. thank you stevenm.
11:23 PM

monday, june 17
my grandfather died today. he was born on the 17th. in august. i'm relieved he isn't suffering. he had cancer but only complained of pains these past 2 weeks. he was over 90 years old. what is very sad is that he is one more half of my dad to be gone. he also loved me a lot. i was his favorite. we got along very well. i'm "ok" though. must go light a candle in a church today.
1:39 PM

sunday, june 16
i remind stevenm of Rei Ayanami (an Evangelion character). i think he's on the right track.

Her Series Quote: Is this a tear?

Her Movie Quote: I am not your doll.
10:17 PM

thursday, june 13
i had dinner with roberta last night. she's a great girlfriend. i didn't know her very well during college. i did think she was one of our most talented painters. one of 3 i'd say. i'm glad we've become closer friends. friendships are like wine and i guess Cheese in that they become better with age.
3:18 PM

wednesday, june 12
september 11 in Egypt is the Day of Queens. it honors Hatshepsut, Nefertiti and Cleopatra. november 26 is the Fire Festival in Tibet. - from The Ultimate Birthday Book by Clare Gibson
11:56 PM

silence is so accurate - mark rothko
4:16 PM

some people bring out the best in me. others don't. i am not the constant factor. meaning, i change depending on those around me. i have to go to sleep soon. today has been a mentally exhausting day. i have dinner plans for the next 4 nights. i'm tired already.
1:01 AM

sunday, june 9
Jaws was the turning point in Steven Spielberg's career.
11:40 PM

the sun is HuuuuuuuGE in the sky right now. i have had a challenging weekend. there were some fun parts but i'm ready for a vacation. maybe a wealthy prisoner who's incarcerated for a few more years would pay me to go on amazing trips for him/her. i could come back with photo albums, menus, i'd create an entire website. travel for the guilty. why not? oh, i wouldn't accept any murderers or completely eeeeeevil people. only the moderately Bad may apply.
8:21 PM

saturday, june 8
cate blanchett is the best actress around. ----- this afternoon channel 4 interviewed my mom. she was walking Toby and a tall anchorman (she did not recognize because we don't watch local news) came after her and asked her questions about living in Battery Park. did she think it was unfair for the government to give incentives for people to move here? does she feel badly living so close to a place where people died? does she like the area? mom said a couple of old ladies were freaking out near-by. they stopped her after she walked off and asked her what they asked her. she told them very calmly. they asked whether she was excited to be on TV. she said No and walked off. my mom is so cool i wish she would do more. ----- i feel Heavy again.
12:43 AM

wednesday, june 5
I am in a mood again.
10:30 PM

"Traditional astrology has shown us images of Virgo as a prudish old-maid schoolteacher, contrasted with a licentious, "profane" prostitute, downtrodden and victimized. The common idea of Virgo is that of a virgin, a sexless person; however, the original meaning of the word "virgin" has been lost. In Latin, virgo simply means "unmarried," and virgo intacta refers to a lack of sexual experience. To say that Virgo is "virginal" simply means that she belongs to no man, that she cannot be possessed. Her sexual acts are not used to obtain possessions, security, or power. She does not need a man to give her a sense of identity; rather, she finds her identity within herself and her reflection of the goddess. And a major attribute to the goddess was divine sexuality. Hence, a woman could make love with a man for the mutual upliftment of both parties, not from a desire to possess or to be dependent." - The Mountain Astrologer
1:28 AM

tuesday, june 4
my head (including brain) is an old dartboard.

revise:

i am an old dartboard.
1:07 AM