monday, september 30
it's still early but i'm tired. very tired. "m", i am thinking of you. ----- the cold is coming and i feel unprepared. a year in seasons.
10:16 PM

friday, september 27
people, especially public figures who use bad language excessively turn me off. they are idiots. they sound retarded. they are lazy not to think of alternate words. the couple of truck-driver-mouthed girlfriends i have are very intelligent so they make up for their f*&^^%$ with gripping content. in other news, i can almost flick my hair behind my shoulders. it is getting long. too bad i have to trim it soon. growing out a super short choppy haircut is beastly. if only that were my only problem.
4:39 PM

wednesday, september 25
question is... can he handle the stars in my eyes?
12:34 AM

tuesday, september 24
i arrived this morning. i slept all day. breathing in the nyc air at JFK made me think "i do love this town". the feeling only lasted about 15 minutes. the city feels deserted. empty and bleak. maybe it's the contrast to california. i don't feel at home over there but i certainly prefer the Oakland climate. plus i had a good time with andie. i think we needed a few days of adjustment but overall we made very good travel companions. i came back to many many very nice birthday emails. some fantastic unexpected thoughtful presents and a most adorable tobyDog. it is also good to talk with mom. tomorrow i hang out with stevenm and slowly or rather overnight, things are as they were. except... i have to change and make it all good. explore my potential - do vs. think
1:01 AM

thursday, september 12
today, (well, yesterday the 11th) a happy birthday. a lot of very good food with AJ. california sun. very pink manicure and pedicure. now tired. very very tired. -- happy late birthday melania! i thought of you on your day but it was too late to call. -- i still have to blow a candle. when i come back to nyc i'll have to. oh, and mom bought and then embellished a beautiful summer dress for me.
2:44 AM

monday, september 9
my tobyDog is so sweet. we have nicknames for his little pink ears (papillons), his smushy black nose, his tummy, his eyes. every piece of him is supremely precious. i am so happy he is still here. october 15th he turns 14. i would be so curious to know what goes on behind his calm demeanor. ----- i'm off tomorrow, going to California. two weeks. a chance to have a birthday. also time away from email and websites and things electronic. ----- last week i used www.freshdirect.com and i am amazed. the Future IS Now. it was the smoothest shopping experience of my life. the produce was extremely fresh, tasty and delivered to my door by a nice man who does not accept tips. ok. their cheese is slightly buttery. the Cashel Blue is almost perfect but the others were too rich. the fruit is awesome though. the meat seems fantastic. NOTHING like the things you can buy in supermarkets around Battery Park. even places around manhattan don't offer such nice fruit. oh, the bread is delicious! and the price is cheaper. it is all cheaper. oh, how i wish i had asked for a job over there when i went to visit last year. maybe my vacation will help me exorcise anger. in order to turn a new leaf, i have to find one. or two.
11:57 PM

thursday, september 5
i've been reading this journal lately and find i go back every few days to read of new adventures: a girl named bob. her writing makes me realize i haven't focused on my entries for a long time. is this because more possible employers will have access to this journal? is it because i have run out of things to say? i do have a headache right now. it feels like iron gates smashing against my toes. i can see a race track in my brain - there is too much noise. how have i handled all my these days so far? i've put in some time on this earth. whatever have i been doing? and where in the world am i going to go. i wish my dad was still around. i miss him. i want to tell him what's going on. i want to hear his opinions. make that happen Hollywood!
11:21 PM

tuesday, september 3
congratulations chris n. she is a lucky lucky lady. hooray!
10:50 PM

"It is fearing to plant a flower for fear of fall." - adam b. smith
10:23 PM